Dear Church, We Need to Talk

After my initial blog, I was blown away by the number of people who reached out, asking for prayer or sharing their experiences of how the church or poor leadership has hurt them. This broke my heart. And I couldn’t help but think about how broken Jesus must be watching people behave in HIS Name. SHEW.

But at the same time, it solidified that the Lord is using my testimony for His glory. And if my story calls even ONE person back to Him and His church, then THANK YOU JESUS for the purpose in pain.

So this next post, I’m directing to the big C church. And I’m fully aware it may step on toes. If you’re reading and think this sounds familiar then I’d first encourage you to pray for discernment. And secondly I’d say, “well if the shoe fits”…

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Dear Church, We Need to Talk

Somewhere along the way, we started getting it wrong.

We built leadership structures that looked more like corporations than the body of Christ. We prioritized “protecting the brand” and perception of the church over shepherding the people. We silenced questions instead of getting curious. We laughed off unhealthy behaviors instead of calling them what they were — harmful.

We have become a Christian generation so focused on what people can do for the church that we’ve forgotten what the church is meant to do for people.

To Church Leaders:

It’s time to listen. Not with the intent to respond or defend, but to truly hear.

Jesus didn’t dismiss the woman at the well (John 4) — He engaged her. He didn’t ignore people’s pain — He stepped into it. So when did we decide that leadership meant having all the answers and calling all the shots, instead of leaning in with curiosity and asking questions?

If you’re a leader in the church, I would encourage you to ask yourself: Are you leading with the fruits of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? Or have we traded those for control, performance, and self-preservation? Are we discipling or just managing? Shepherding or simply maintaining?

Let's remember that Jesus never needed anyone’s talents or abilities (Matthew 16). And He certainly didn’t abandon others when those talents were no longer needed. He called people to follow Him, not just to fill a church volunteer slot. He washed feet. He served. He sat with the ones no one else would. He wasn’t building a brand; He was building the Kingdom.

To Church Members:

If you’re sitting under leadership that prioritizes power over people, structure over Spirit, perfection OR perception over Presence, fear over faith — PLEASE take a moment to ask yourself: Is this what Jesus intended when He died for His church?

Have we accepted an unhealthy church culture because it’s easier than questioning it? Have we excused toxic behavior because “that’s just how it is”?

If you’ve been hurt by the church, hear this: Jesus is bigger than broken leadership. Bigger than betrayal. Bigger than the wounds others have left behind. And despite the harm of SOME churches, there ARE still churches that are bible based and consistent with teaching that is faithful to the story of Jesus. That are connect driven because they care FOR you, not just about what you can do for them. That prioritize biblical truth AND protecting the hearts of people.

So I leave you with this — what is He calling you to next? Healing? Speaking up? Returning to church? Moving on? Whatever it is, trust that His voice is louder than the noise of man made systems. Isaiah 30:19 says, "How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you". If He says it, He will do it.

Ultimately... the Church isn’t a brand. It’s not a platform for personal success. It’s not a power play.

It’s real people. It’s you. It’s us. It’s me. It’s for my daughter and future generations.

And we have to do better.