Healing After Hurt [by the church]

If you’re here and you’ve ever experienced church hurt, I want to be the first to say I’m sorry. Church hurt is different. Throughout my life, I’ve journeyed through various levels of emotional pain; I’ve been let down by family members, felt the loss of relationships, and experienced heartbreak that I genuinely did not think I would survive. But navigating a rupture in trust and relationship from the community that you felt the most safe and vulnerable around is one of the deepest I’ve had to date.

But what makes church hurt so painful isn’t just the loss of community—it’s the spiritual weight of it all. It feels like your connection to God has been put on trial because the very people who were meant to represent His love and grace have left you questioning whether you belong at His table.

But here’s what I’m learning: church hurt, as real and deep as it is, doesn’t disqualify us from the love of God. People might fail us. Systems might be broken. But God remains faithful. The church as an institution is made up of flawed, imperfect humans who will inevitably fall short. That doesn’t excuse the hurt, but it does remind us that our ultimate hope isn’t in people — it’s in Christ.

To those who have been wounded by the church, I want to say this: your pain is valid. Your questions are valid. But your story isn’t over. Healing is possible, even when it feels out of reach. The journey might be messy, and it might take time, but God is not intimidated by your doubts or your scars.

Isaiah 61:1 states: “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.” That promise isn’t just for someone else — it’s for you. Even in your pain, God is still near; still speaking & still working.

If you’re holding on by a thread, I encourage you to start small. Talk to God. Even if all you can muster is a whisper. Reach out to someone you trust; someone who can help you process what you’re feeling (a therapist who specializes in trauma is a great place to look if you aren’t sure where to turn ) And if you’re not ready to step back into a church building quite yet, that’s okay too. Healing doesn’t have to happen in one grand moment—it’s often found in the quiet, everyday acts of choosing to trust again, little by little. But if there’s anything I’ve felt throughout the last almost year of healing it’s that healing happens in community. In communion with God through His word, prayer, and worship. In communion with other believers. So my prayer for you, no matter what, is that you choose to NOT stay there. That you allow Jesus to be the wind beneath your wings and the breath in your lungs when you feel tired or weary.

As I write this, I would be omitting truth if I said I had it all figured out or that I’ve “arrived” at a place of freedom from hurt. In full transparency - I am TERRIFIED to trust the church, ANY church, again. But during my time of prayer, I heard the Lord speak to me. I heard His voice say “Christian, you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Stop worrying about your trust towards the church or towards man. Do you not trust ME, your Father? The one who formed the stars in the sky and numbered every hair on your head?” 

WOW. What a conviction. I immediately felt so much peace in knowing that it’s not my job to place my full trust in the church alone but instead to trust my Savior and follow HIS direction. Where is He leading me and guiding me? His story is exceedingly, abundantly more for me than I could dream up for myself. How silly am I to think I can get it right better than He can?! lol 

With that my friend, know this. Church hurt doesn’t get the final say over your story. Redemption does. And I believe with all my heart that God is writing something beautiful, even out of the ashes.

You are seen. You are loved. And you are never alone.